Sometimes you need a reminder to think before you speak. I have worked in elementary school classrooms for many years. I have a version of this poster in my classroom and have seen it in many others. Young children often have to be reminded not to blurt out. Sometimes they need to be taught better manners when it comes to pointing out honest observations. If you ever want to hear the brutal truth, ask a 6 or 7 year-old! They will probably offer it without you even asking.
My students make some hard observations in the classroom. Comments about my hair, my clothes, my laugh, and even my teeth have been made on multiple occasions. They also say things that their parents would probably not want shared in public (Yes, I know about that speeding ticket and so much more). I have also enjoyed sweet comments like: “You’re my favorite teacher” and “I love you” and “Can I hug you?” Kids can be brutally honest, but they are also usually very loving and kind. They just don’t always think before they speak.
Do you know any adults with this problem? Is it you? Have you ever said something and then wished you hadn’t? We all do it. It can be an honest mistake. Like when you ask someone when their baby is due, and they’re not expecting (A big no-no to be sure)! We might say something on purpose because someone has hurt our feelings and we respond in kind. There are also people who, for whatever reason, do not have a filter between their brains and their mouths. It is a skill they never learned.
So how do we respond when someone doesn’t follow the advice on the poster above? If that someone is a young child, we can use the moment to teach them. Learning always goes better when the teacher uses calmness and kindness. Shaming and anger should never be part of the lesson.
Instead of responding in kind (which is not kind at all!), we should taste our words before we spit them out. Follow the instructions above. Our remarks need to meet all 5 criteria. Comments can be true, but not inspiring or kind. My students brutally honest comments come to mind. “What happened to your hair, Miss Leah? Why does it look like that!?” I am always quick to say, “That’s how my hair is. The non-crazy hair you sometimes see is faked with flatirons and lots of product!” I try to see the humor in every situation. It helps.
It works for kids, but what about with grown-ups who “should” know better? Shaming and anger have no place there either. What if that adult seems to mean harm? People intentionally say mean and harmful things. Even then, we need to follow the THINK directives. Does responding with sarcasm or anger solve anything? No. It’s like putting gasoline on a fire. It will only make things worse (even if it feels a little satisfying in the short-term).
I have an acquaintance who often says insensitive things. She likes to compare her children to mine and seems to enjoy it when mine fall short. She never apologizes for being hurtful and doesn’t seem to notice that what she says causes harm. I was often seething inside while smiling at her on the outside. It took me a long time to set my bad feelings towards her aside.
One day I realized that her words only harmed me when I let them get under my skin and fester. I discovered that she was one who lacked a filter between her brain and mouth. She had a problem, but I didn’t need to make it mine. I looked at it in a new way, and it gave me such freedom. I feel much kinder to her now and the experience has taught me to try to look at her good qualities instead.
You can be honest, kind, inspirational, and, hopefully, be a teacher too. Teach by example. Think before you speak. You might be surprised at how peaceful things turn out.
Thanks for reading this post. Feel free to share it and the THINK poster using the links on my sidebar.
