How many articles have you seen lately promising the best gift ideas ever? Perhaps you’ve had a few emails promising something at a great price that is sure to please anyone. Maybe you’ve searched in vain for that “perfect” gift. I have the answer you seek. No. Seriously. I know the what the best holiday gift is. The best thing to give someone at the holidays (or really anytime) is the gift of yourself. Corny? Yes. But true nonetheless.
There is only one you and to the people who love you most, you are enough. Your children might be making a Christmas list the length of your arm, but what they need more than all those toys and treats is a loving, healthy, and present parent. The same can be said for other family members and friends. An expensive gift is nice to receive. So is an incredibly thoughtful and personal one. but the gift of knowing you love them and are there for them is priceless.
How to Give the Gift of Yourself
We live in a world that is always telling us we need more, need to be more, and can’t be happy without it. Not true. Once the basics of food, clothing and shelter are taken care of, what people need most is connection. The real reason to give a gift is to let someone know you care. It is a way of connecting with them. And we can’t connect if we: a) don’t spend time together and b)can’t be honest and open with one another.
Give the Gift of Time
Sure, it’s nice to receive an expensive gift. I mean, I wouldn’t turn one down. Would you? But knowing someone took the time to help you, share with you, or even just to have some fun together means a whole lot more. Our lives are so busy these days. Taking time to spend with loved ones can take effort. It’s easy to order a gift online and have it wrapped and delivered. We don’t ever have to lay on hand on it and it takes only minutes and a few clicks. The gift of time, however, means we have to slow down, plan ahead, and be more intentional.
If you’ve ever had the privilege of spending time with someone who is at the end of their life, you know that the biggest gift in life is the time we have together. Most elderly loved ones don’t really want or need much in the way of things. What they want is some time: a family meal, a walk together, visiting and reminiscing. The gift of time is often exactly what they need.
Children also respond well to the gift of time. While kids often ask for things at Christmas, what they will remember most is time together. Yes, a new game, toy, or electronic gadget is exciting and new, but a family trip, a day with your undivided attention, or even a fun game in the yard are things that will make lasting memories. If you think back to your own childhood, there might be a few gifts that really stand out. Maybe a new bike or the doll you really wanted. But what you probably remember most about those early holidays is how you spent the day with family.
Give the Gift of Love and Connection
Spending time with loved ones is the best way to create the gifts of love and connection. Think about the moments in your life when you’ve truly felt loved and connected to another person. Isn’t that ultimately what we want most in life? Don’t get me wrong, I love a nicely wrapped gift as much as the next person. But I wouldn’t trade the love of my friends and family for anything. All the nice things in the world don’t amount to much without love and connection.
Besides spending time with our loved ones, there are certain things we can do to increase our love and connections. If you find these lacking in your relationships, try some of the following suggestions:
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Learn to let things go. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. And sometimes it’s better to be loving than to be right. I love the quote from Dr. Wayne Dwyer: “When given the choice between being right and being kind, choose kind.”
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Practice Forgiveness. I know that can be easier said than done. But forgiving someone doesn’t mean you’re okay with what they did. It means you’re willing to let go of the hurt that was caused and move forward. Beyonce had it right when she said: “Forgiveness is the final act of love.”
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Be honest and open. This can be a scary thing to do. No one likes to feel rejected or judged. But if you can’t be honest and open with your loved ones, you can’t draw closer together with them. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you give yourself the opportunity to grow closer to your loved ones. I would also suggest using steps one and two above while being honest and open. For example, you don’t have to be brutally honest about everything. Some things you just need to let go.
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Practice Humility. Admit when you do something wrong and ask for forgiveness. Don’t assume you’re always in the right. Be willing to learn something new. Being humble draws you closer to the important people in your life.
Truly, the best gifts are those that come with human kindness, time well spent, and connecting with the people we love. I’ve seen dozens of lists recommending everything sort of gift imaginable lately. I’m not denying that it can be fun to shop (for some of us) for items that will be well received and well used by our friends and family. The holidays are the perfect time of year to think about what gifts are the best to give and receive. Receiving a fun, thoughtful, or even expensive gift is wonderful. But receiving the best gifts of time, love, and connection are priceless.
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