Remember the old sing-a-long “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other, gold”? This time of year makes me think of old friends and new friends and this old song has been on my mind. I love my friends. My life would not be half as rich without them.
An old friend of mine was visiting over the Thanksgiving holiday. She and her family live on the opposite side of the country. They spent a week here in sunny California and had Thanksgiving dinner with us. I hadn’t seen her in more than a year and her husband and kids in more than 5 years. We had so much fun! Another old friend moved out of state in October. I spent a day helping pack and clean and making some new memories to think back on while we’re apart.
I am one of those fortunate people who have some really old friends. Not that we’re all that old (yet!), but I have friends in my life that have been there, through thick and thin, for more than 35 years. I feel truly blessed to have such long-term friendships. After this many years, they are really more like family than friends. And having someone stick by you all those years hopefully means you can’t be too bad of a friend yourself.
I am also blessed to have more recent friendships. I spent a “ladies’ night out” a few weeks back. We ate Thai food and talked, and talked, and talked. My family doesn’t like Thai food. I love it! Thank goodness I have girlfriends to go out with. I was at a Christmas party last week, sitting with another group of friends. One of them announced she was having a get together so we could watch Hallmark Christmas Movies without our husbands or children mocking us. What a great idea! I am really looking forward to it. This particular friend (old…15+ years now) really knows how to have fun and she’s invited some other friends (old and new) that I don’t get to see as often as I would like.
With our busy lives, it can be hard to make time for friends, but it is so important to nurture those relationships. My family has gone through a lot of trials and hardships in the past four or five years. Unfortunately, I didn’t share most of these situations with my friends. Instead, I stopped communicating, stopped spending time with them, and circled the wagons at home. I have come to realize that I still need my friends. In the past few months, I have made a renewed effort to spend time with them and it has been exactly what I needed.
One of the benefits of having a variety of friends is they all bring something different into your life. I have church friends, mom friends, school friends, work friends, and known-me-forever friends. Some of them fit into more than one category. If I need to know about health care issues, I can call one of my friends who works in that field. When my daughter went swimming in an over-chlorined pool and her blonde hair turned bright green, I called my friend with three blond daughters for advice. If I am having a bad day, I can call a friend and vent, or call a friend and cry, or call a friend and laugh (that’s even better!).
A New Outlook
When I was younger, I often wasted time comparing myself to others. One friend had the most beautiful clothes. Another was so musically talented, and another always seemed to know just what to say and when to say it. I admit, I was sometimes envious. It wasn’t a healthy way to look at things. I have grown older, and, hopefully, wiser. Nowadays, I mostly just admire them. I have a friend who never forgets a birthday. She’s amazing! And I am lucky to have her in my life. I have a friend who is well-off financially and incredibly generous with others. I admire her generosity. She is amazing! I have a friend who is a talented artist. He has an great career in the field he loves. He is amazing! I have a friend who is the mother of 5 small children. She is always so together and so kind. She is amazing! And I love them all. I don’t have to say she is [fill in the blank] and I am not. I can just admire their great qualities and appreciate having their friendship in my life. And that is amazing!
Focusing on the Good
I think what has really changed for me is trying to focus on the good things. The good things in my life ((gratitude!), the good in other people, and the good I want to create around me. Here are a few pointers I’ve picked up on how to do that:
- Be kind – it costs nothing to be kind.
- Be helpful – If you can help someone, do it. It actually benefits you as well as the person you are helping.
- Smile – a smile really can change someone’s day, including your own.
- Let go of grudges and other negative things that hold you back.
- Be grateful, especially for your friends and family.
- Show your appreciation. It is one thing to feel it, it’s another to act on those feelings.
Thinking about my friends, how lucky I am to have them, and how wonderful they are has made me a happier person just in the time it took me to write these paragraphs. If you have read this and think “Yeah, but I don’t have friends like that.” Maybe it’s time to look at your friends in a new light. Or maybe, you need to make some new friends. They are silver after all. It doesn’t really matter if you have a few good friends or a lot of them. What matters is that you love and appreciate them and they love and appreciate you.
Thanks for reading and sharing!
