I often have to remind myself to pick my battles. This has been especially true in parenting teenagers. One of life’s biggest lessons for me has been realizing that I have control over very little. And when I try to control things, it rarely goes well. In fact, keeping too tight a grip on things usually breaks them. So how do I keep my focus on what matters? Practice, patience, and giving up on perfection.
I started this post inspired, in part by the quote: Life is short. Focus on what matters and let go of what doesn’t. Now that I am 40-something, I have had enough life experience to know that most things don’t matter that much. Letting go of what doesn’t matter makes life much nicer, much easier, and a lot more fun to live.
Practice Makes Not Exactly Perfect
If you find yourself constantly running from idea to idea and task to task and always coming up short, it’s okay. You are human. Humans are not meant to be perfect. In fact, it’s our imperfection that makes us human. We don’t need perfection. We need improvement. Instead of measuring ourselves and our successes against a standard of perfection, we need to measure how much improvement we see. And in order to improve whatever we are working on, we need to practice.
Have you ever learned to play a musical instrument? Or to play a new sport? It takes regular practice to improve. So if you find yourself losing focus on what matters to you, it’s okay. As long as you’re practicing and improving, it’s all good. Read on to see some helpful practice hints.
Be Patient With Yourself (and Others)
Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, something will happen and you’ll find yourself taking a big step backwards. That’s how things usually work. Life is not a straight march on a forward path. It’s more of a dance. You move forward and back and spin around. Remember, dances are meant to be enjoyed. Be patient with yourself.
I have also found myself wondering why the people I love, or even the strangers in the supermarket line haven’t figured out what matters most. When you find yourself judging and criticizing others, you are doing more damage to yourself than to them. I love this quote from Wayne Dyer: “When you judge another, you do not define them. You define yourself.” Be patient with other people. They may be going through things you know nothing about. Letting go of your expectations is a good first step. You can read about that in this post from 2016.
Giving Up On Perfection
I am a recovering perfectionist. Trying to be perfect has caused me a lot of heartache, frustration, and even affected my health. You can read about my experiences here. When you say you’re “giving up on” something, it feels a little negative. I mean, how many times have we heard “don’t be a quitter!” Giving up on perfection does not mean quitting. By all means, try to get better. Make improvements. But don’t hold yourself or others to the standard of perfection. Remember that happiness is about progress, not perfection. Jon Kabat-Zinn said instead of letting things go, we should let them be. There are things we can’t change or even make better. But we can change how we look at them and how much space we allow them to take up in our lives.
What Is Taking Up Your Mental Space?
If you spend much time on social media, you’ve probably heard about the minimalism trend. There are loads of suggestions on how to declutter your homes, simply your life, and live with less. My question is: What are you holding onto that takes up too much mental space? Just like that ill-fitting sweater in your dresser that you keep because you spent your hard earned money on it or the dress in the back of your closet that someone gave to you but never really fit your style, there are thoughts, feelings, and regrets that take up your mental space. Have you ever taken a mental space inventory? What are you carrying around in your head that doesn’t really need to be there? Are there things you spend too much time thinking about that really don’t matter? Maybe it’s time to do a little mental spring cleaning.
5 Ways to Keep Focused on What Matters
Write it down
Putting tasks and goals in writing is a great way to stay focused. There are many ways to write things down. I am a list maker and a journal keeper. One thing that helps me focus on what matters is writing down the most important things I need to do each day. I use a bullet journal, but there are other types of journals that work well. Read about a few of them here. The key is to find what system works for you.
Another thing that helps me focus on what matter is inspirational quotes. I have two taped to my bathroom mirror right now. I write them in my journal and collect them on my Pinterest boards. They help me remember what is important to me when life gets busy, distracting, and even disheartening.
Make Time for Yourself
How are you going to know what matters if you don’t take some quiet time to think about it? First of all, you need to know that you matter. So take some time off for yourself and for some self-reflection. I recently saw this quote on Instagram and wrote it down to remind myself: Almost everything will work again in you unplug it for a few minutes, including you. This is great advice. Take some time to unplug on a regular basis.
Set Realistic Goals
This is another reminder to let go of perfection. Be realistic. Can you really get everything on your list done in one morning? Do you really want to? Embrace the idea of “good enough.” When we set unrealistic goals, we are sure to fall short. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Set goals that you can realistically accomplish.
Place a Value on Things
At first, this may sound superficial, but placing a value on things helps set priorities. Ask yourself, what adds value to my life? The things that add value are probably the things that you should be focusing on. For me, a perfectly clean kitchen does not add as much value to my life as spending a fun evening with my family. Of course, some things have to get done. I have to clean that kitchen eventually, but it doesn’t get priority over things that matter more.
Check in Regularly
Set a time to reevaluate your progress and your goals. I suggest a weekly planning meeting, but some people are good with once a month. Questions to ask yourself include: Are you still heading in the right direction? Is the goal you wanted still important to you? What is distracting you from what matters most? Life gets so busy. It is important to stop and take inventory on a regular basis. You could also hold a couples or family meeting on a regular basis. Checking in together can work wonders in you relationships and in your household.
What Matters to You?
How do you stay focused on what really matters in your life? Any helpful ideas you can share would be very much appreciated. Please add your thoughts in the comment section below. As always, thanks for reading and please share with someone you think may benefit from this post.
